39 Weeks . . . Are we done yet?

Ugh.  Both boys have been sick since last week.  Fevers, tummy issues, crankyness, coughing, clingy out of control, basically misery for all involved.  Add to that, I have never been this pregnant before, and I don't like it one bit.  But, I need them healthy before this baby comes.  Total catch 22.  I am definatly going to stay in the hospital for the maximum amount of time our insurance will pay for.  If not only for the better ac, but just to hide for a few days.  Not to have to deal with all three kids at once for a bit.  I am not going to lie, I am really nervous for this post-partum period.  Buddy has been super needy for only me for the last few weeks and it has been getting increasingly worse.  Bug has been wanting to be more helpful to me, but at the same time, not wanting to play with his brother or share with him or be very nice to him.  I don't know why, but it's kind of making me crazy.  But I did make dinner tonight.  And it was quite tasty, if I do say so myself.

Where is this coming from...

Picking up Bug from school today, and his teacher walks him to the car, rather than one of the other teachers who normally runs the pick up and drop offs.  This is either a good thing or a bad thing.  Usually it's a good thing.  Not so much today.  Bug bit one of his classmates.  WHAT?!?!  When I asked him about it, he said that the other child wouldn't share the new toy cars, so he bit him.  I am just at such a loss.  We haven't had any issues with Bug biting in over two years.  I don't know if it is because Buddy has started to get into some bad licking/biting habits, or if it's because Max (great brainless wonder of a dog) plays kind of rough sometimes and nips or what.  I just don't get it.  Talked to Hubby about it, and we are still deciding what is an appropriate punishment, because biting is never ok.  I just don't know why all of a sudden he would act out like that.

On a different note, I had my blood drawn yesterday by the best phlebotomist ever.  Normally my veins are really difficult to stick and I am deathly afraid of needles.  But I didn't even feel the stick yesterday.  From now on, any time I am going to have to have a needle poke, I want her to do it.  Today I hit 29 weeks, and I am getting very tired of contractions.  I told Dr. C about it yesterday, and he said as long as they go away within an hour or so, not to worry about it.  If they go on for three hours, I need to make a phone call to L&D.  It might be because baby girl is quite active and she is just irritating my uterus (and me in general when they happen), but as long as they stop and I don't start bleeding or leaking fluid, it's fine.  Joy.  But I am measuring about a week and a half behind schedule.  I can't help wondering if it isn't because of my inverted "T" scar.  Because I obviously didn't have a problem getting massive with Buddy.  I got to the size of someone carring twins.  I'm happy to stay small, but I hope she is growing well.

I love TIDE.

We purchased a new to us Bosch washer and dryer front loaders.  I am in love.  They use WAY less water than our old dinosaurs, and the washing machine is so quiet.  I have had to keep going back and checking to make sure is it running.  And I have also started using Tide.  Yes, it's expensive, but after just one wash, there was a huge difference in the color of my clothes.  Especially the whites.  It is worth it to me to pay the extra for nice bright whites.  And, because machines are still in their "novelty" stage, the boys want to help me with the laundry so much more than before.  Which is you know, great, but also not so great.  But I don't want to discourage them in any way, because one day, they are going to have to do their own laundry. 

On the note of children, we started doing "Responsibility Charts".  If they get all of their stickers for the week, they get a dollar.  So far, there has only been one week where they didn't get that dollar.  I know it's not much, but Target's dollar section is the best.  And on Saturday mornings we make a trip.  If they don't see anything they want, they can save it for something they want that is more expensive.  The whole purpose of the charts to two fold.  Learn responsibility for your things and as part of the family, and money management.  Hopefully we have lots of success.  Fingers crossed.

I am reading a book that I think I am going to have to reccomend, but more on that later.  In the mean time, I would reccomend popping over to this blog tolovehonorandvacuum.com and doing some clicking around.  She is awesome.

I need a flow chart.

Bug and Buddy are majorly into Ninja Turtles.  Hubby has a ton of them he collected back in the 80's.  Hand me down time.  I mean, have you looked at the price for one figure at Wal-Mart?  Why pay for them if we already have over 40 characters.  Including the main ones, ie: the Turtles.  Anyway, Bug is constantly coming up to me asking what this one and that ones name is.  My names of Creepy Pig Guy and Lizard Braces don't cut the mustard with him.  And the only turtle I know for sure, is the one I misplaced.  For those of you who don't know, the purple turtle's name is Donatello.

 

In other news, Buddy had his surgery on Wed.  In and out of the hospital in under 4 hours.  Shocking.  He is recuperating very well.  Only needed pain meds on the first day.  I didn't want to have both of the boys in the same room that first night.  They tend to jump around like wild animals once the lights go out.  So, I put Buddy in the soon to by babies room in the crib.  FAIL.  After 10 minutes of screaming, I was afraid he was going to open his incision.  So I took him into my bed thinking he would drop off after a few minutes and I could move him into the crib.  Nope.  It was close to 12:30 before he finally gave it up and crashed, at that point both hubby and I were dead tired, and I was afraid to move him because every time I shifted, he would fuss.  Needless to say, that was the worst nights sleep I have had in a long time.  Hubby slept with his head practically on the the nightstand, and I had Buddy's feet kicking my in the neck all night long.  The smallest person in the bed manages to take up the most space.  If we ever replace our bedroom set, we will be getting a king.  There is a reason I hate sharing a bed with my children. 

Bug made me just about pee my pants last night.  We were sitting on my bed reading the bedtime story when he stops and pats my belly.  He looks up at me and says "There is a baby in there."  "Yep, it's growing so it can come out" I said.  He poked at my belly for a few more seconds and says "You are getting bigger." then he points to my chest and asks "What is growing in there?"  He comes up with the funniest things.  He asked last week if the baby was going to come out of my mouth when it was ready.  After I told him no, he looks at me, all knowing and says "Oh, so your belly will just pop and the baby comes out."  After the fact it occurred to me I could have told him how he and Buddy were born (c-section) and not been too graphic.  This is actually something I have been thinking about for a while now.  I don't want my kids to have this ingrained fear of childbirth.  That is a big part of what is wrong with maternity care in our country, in my opinion.  We don't talk about it to our children, so when they have their children, they are usually going into it blind.  Most people don't do a ton of research and learning and reading unless they know someone or have had themselves and negative experience.  I want my kids to know that is it a normal, natural and healthy process that you don't need to be afraid of.  That being said, I also don't necessarily want them to be there at delivery.  I would just find that too distracting in the hospital setting, and I don't think it would be allowed as they are still so young.  Lots to think about.

But now I need to go and do a load of laundry and switch over the dishes while Buddy is sleeping.

Never seemed more apt...

Wow. Pulling up this blog for the first time in months and the title really rings true. It all has changed. I have two handsome, healthy, happy and loving boys. A loving husband, and a Heavenly Father who loves me and wants what is best for me and my family.

Bug loves his little brother and is constantly looking out for him. While that sometimes requires the "Worry about yourself, Mama will take care of Buddy Blue." he means well. His vocabulary is increasing by leaps and bounds and as such so is his ability to communicate. Buddy Blue's name changes with what he is wearing, ie: Buddy Red, Buddy Green, Buddy Black, ect. The way he plays with his imagination is hilarious, and he still likes to cuddle.

Buddy Blue has defied all medical odds and is trying to walk. He loves to push Bug's buttons, and thinks being told "No" is the funniest thing in the world. The temper has developed and he isn't afraid to throw and all out tantrum if he isn't getting what he wants. I have already had to start with time outs for him. But there isn't a thing I would change about him.

Hubby has finally been promoted. WHEWW!!! It has been two long years in the making and couldn't have come at a better time. I love how hard working my husband is and all the sacrifices he has and still is willing to make for our family. He is the love of my life and I would be lost without him.

Birth control sucks. Period. All forms. The last birth control I was on was causing me to have a period every 10-14 days. NO THANK YOU! It was horrendous, not to mention the cost of all the tampons and PMS meds. I basically told hubby in January that I wasn't going to refill the prescription and it was up to him to prevent a pregnancy. I guess I didn't make it clear enough that I was done, because, three weeks after my last period, he freaked out when he realized that I hadn't been on any birth control. I wasn't to worried because he was hardly home enough for anything like that to happen. We had talked about having another baby after he was promoted and we got some bills paid down, and I lost the rest of the last two babies weight. I had been trying to use the calendar and basal body temp method of birth control. Throw into the mix the misery of condoms, and low and behold, my period was four days late. Again, I didn't think too much of it because, I was just coming off of hormonal birth control and I knew it would take a few cycles to get back to normal. Besides, I finally started bleeding the day before Valentines. BUT, it wasn't heavy enough, I wasn't cramping like I usually do, and it just didn't feel like a normal period. I had restarted the HCG drops so I thought that was the reason, but just to be safe, I took a pregnancy test. The faintest of lines showed up. I couldn't hardly tell it was there. I didn't feel pregnant, and with both Bug and Buddy Blue, I knew I was pregnant. I could feel it. Nothing this time. Just constantly feeling exhausted. (Again, I had an explanation for that also, two kids with bronchitis aren't sleeping at night). On Thursday my sciatic nerve started acting up, and on Friday, I thought I was having a heart attack, really ended up being a bad case of angina. Saturday the smell of garlic really started to bother me, and Sunday I could hardly walk my hip/leg/knee were hurting so bad. Pregnancy with Bug: spells of dizziness and the occasional heart pangs. Pregnancy with Buddy Blue, let just say I had to quit wearing heels (super sad day). Both pregnancies, I developed a Super Sniffer. If you want to get all technical about it, yeah, all the signs are there, but Hubby and I were in denial. So, stop the drops, say adios to the beloved Diet Coke as a precaution, and take another test in a week.

Bet you can't guess what the result of that one was.

Yep, I'm pregnant. Crap. Feeling kind of freaked out. Didn't want to tell anyone. Keep it a secret and maybe it will go away until I am ready. But no, Hubby let the cat out of the bag first thing in the morning. Tell the whole world, shout it from the top of buildings and mountains. (Personally, I think he is more excited than I am). My announcement, a text to family with my new cell number and a pic of the latest test saying "Guess what!!!"

Don't get me wrong, I do want this baby, and I am doing everything I can to ensure that s/he will be healthy, but three scares me. I only have two hands. And I DON'T WANT ANOTHER C-SECTION!!! Those are really my only hang ups. I know everything will be ok going from two kids to three. If Heavenly Father hadn't intended for us to have families ie: "multiply and replenish the earth", we wouldn't have more than one baby. That and I firmly believe that large family are IN GENERAL, better for children. (I am not saying that all large families are ideal situations for kids, but for the most part, kids from larger families tend to do better in life and thrive in childhood. Also not saying that small families are bad either. Just saying.)

Anyway, I am pregnant for the third time, and I'm kind of paranoid. But everything is going to be ok. We knew a while back that we had another spirit that was ANXIOUS to get here. I almost had the feeling that she is impatient and didn't understand what the hold up was. I'm excited to welcome this new addition into our family, names are currently being veto'ed left and right. Bug and Buddy Blue came so easily, but this time around, nothing seems quite right. Maybe when we find out in June the gender, that will make it easier to find the perfect fit. Hey, half of the contenders will be eliminated if nothing else. But I have now put it out there for the world.

Potty Training Part II and Tornados

So far so good. No accidents this week. Bug doesn't like having to go, but he will pee with out a problem. The other, not so much. He spends about half an hour every other day on the toilet to let it out. Accompanied with a TON of crying and hollering and saying no. So, I have pretty much just started leaving him on the toilet and ignoring him for a while so he can take care of business. Then comes all the clapping and singing "Yeah! Good job!" I'm going to keep him in pullups at night until he is able to take care of the pooping without all the drama.

I have changed my mind about seeing a tornado. Tuesday night scared the bananna's out of me. Hubby was gone and the sirens started going off in the distance. The power had been flicking in and out and the wind was crazy. But inbetween the power blips, I was watching DWTS and the news for updates. Buddy Blue was sleeping and Bug was playing with playdough. (Yeah, he at one point packed his ear with the stuff. Nasal aspirator was required to get it all out. Fun, fun.) Hubby came home and told me the sign at the neighborhood Wal-Mart had been completely blown off. A "Code Black" was called out and all of the employees and cops that were in the store took off running. Store closed, just like that.

So we are sitting in the den listening to the news and it starts to hail. Now I am from Idaho, and I have lived through some pretty severe weather, but I have never seen hail like this. It was litterally the size of golf balls. About five minutes after the hail started, tornado sirens start going off and they are CLOSE!!! HOLY CRAP!!! GET THE CATS IN THEIR CRATES!!! START RIPPING EVERYTHING OUT OF THE HALL CLOSET TO MAKE ROOM FOR US! THROWING WATER AND BLANKETS AND DIAPERS AND NON PERISHABLE FOOD THAT I CAN FIND SUPER FAST IN THERE. Grab the cell phone, start yelling for Bug to come and stand in the closet while I am freaking out trying to grab anything to help us survive if our house gets wiped out and we are stuck. In hind sight, I can see why hubby found it somewhat entertaining. It took quite a while for my heart rate to slow down. The number one thing on my to do list now, it 72 hour kits for all of us.

Potty Training...

Yeah, it stinks. The first two days were great, but that was it. Bug will be three in two months, and he is completely capable of using a toilet. Two kids in diapers is killing my budget, and he can't start swim lessons until we get this under control. I refuse to be one of those parents who "waits until their child is ready". He is ready. He can control it and hold and let it go at will. My house has turned into a war zone. Not just the combative two year old, but the mounds of laundry waiting to get folded, the tables and counters begging for a wipedown, the floors are starting to get to the point you could almost write in the dust (it has been really windy here), none of the beds are made, and I have been out of milk for three days. Yesterday, I almost wanted to go back to work and not have to deal with this, but I know it isn't forever. I'm just tired of the kicking, screaming, scratching and biting every time I try to put him on the toilet. He was such a good baby, and he has become a very challenging toddler. When he does pee in the toilet, it is only a little bit, and he holds the rest until he is back in his underwear. I'm moving our battlefeild into the master bath/laundry room so I can at least fold laundry while dealing with this, and have a chair in there so I can feed Buddy Blue. We'll see how today goes. The turning point has to come soon.

Speaking of Buddy Blue, he is ready for solids. He has been eating 4-6 oz every two to three hours, and he never spits up. Maybe after the boys are down for the night, I will make a solo trip to Wally World and get the milk I have been out of for days, some pull ups for naps and night time, baby oatmeal so I can give the girls a little bit of a break, and double stuff oreo's for me, because I need a pick me up. (Really doesn't help the whole diet thing, but of late I am just too frazzled to want to think about it.)

Hubby wants to see the new Pirates movie, but I don't really know any of the youth in our ward, and because we are struggling to house break the oldest child, I don't want to drop him off anywhere. So that probably isn't going to happen. I'm now going to go rest. And change the diaper of everything he has been holding all day after.

The Clock is Lying!

I wish it was, anyway. I must be out of my mind. It is approaching 3am and I am still awake. This is probably why I am so tired durning the day. Duh. Since Hubby has to get up in an hour to get ready for work, I think I will just stay up until he leaves. I might do something productive, like unload the dishwasher, get my large backside on the treadmill and earn my TV time. (I'm trying to loose 50 lbs by my birthday, and I was doing great until today. Stupid Chocolate) There are four baskets of laundry to fold, that is probably what I will do. Blah.

We started potty training Bug today. Only two accidents! But no poops. I've been told that one is the hardest to do. My hope is that since he is almost 3 (I know, I wanted to start this a year ago) and he doesn't like being dirty, it won't be too hard. Keeping my fingers crossed. Now I just need to work on his eating habits and the deficit in vocabulary. I'm starting to get really worried about it. Right now his vocabulary is about that of an 18 month old. He can say individual words, but not very many, and he doesn't string scentances together like most other children his age. ECI is coming tomorrow for Buddy Blue, I will see if they have any suggestions. Hubby won't like that, but I don't know what to do. This isn't normal.

We already had a nice little discussion (argument ending in my "I'm done talking about this" again) about the term "Special Needs". I don't know why he is so resistant to accepting the fact that Buddy Blue has special needs. There is nothing wrong with that. He is a beautiful, happy baby who seems to be developing normally. We just have to be careful about things that we didn't have to worry about with Bug, and he is going to need more specialized care as he grows. We have both noticed that he doesn't respond to touch on his right foot like he does on the left. He also always keeps the toes on that foot curled up. I can uncurl them for him, but he doesn't spread them and wiggle them like he will on his left foot. But he does have good muscle tone in his leg and ankle. I will have to mention it to the doctors at the spina bifida clinic.

I have less than two months before I go back to see my family. I AM SO EXCITED!!! I havn't seen my family in almost two years and it is way past time. Off to the laundry now. Lucky me.

As I read back...

Wow, almost a year later, and I find that I still feel the same way about insurance companies. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful we have insurance, but they are sneaky. However, I am grateful to have had it. Buddy Blue (confirmed a boy on Sept. 27 along with a scary diagnosis) probably wouldn't be with us today if it were not for modern medicine and insurance.

The routine ultrasound seemed normal enough, except that after the tech told us it was a boy, she kept trying to get pictured of his back, and I noticed a bubble there. I asked hubby about it in the waiting room while we were waiting to get the all clear from the Dr. He saw it too, and thought it was just a bubble. No big deal. Ok, sounds ok. Just a bubble. The nurse finally calls us back to an exam room where we wait for another half hour. Hub says he's going to take off, as rush hour is fast approaching, and the office is on the opposite end of the metroplex from the house. I ask him to just wait a few more minutes, and he stayed. I'm so glad he did. The doctor finally came in, and said yes, it is a boy, and then she said "A few things..." She started talking about something in the scull not being perfectly symmetrical, but lemon shaped, and the cerebral vortex being more elongated like a banana rather than a perfect figure eight, and then she mentioned his back. My heart stopped. The bubble. It wasn't just an air bubble. Something was wrong. My precious baby wasn't just fine. He has spina bifida. I felt like the air was being squeezed out of my lungs. The doctor kept talking and I tried to pay attention. She said it could be anything from he would just have headaches the rest of his life to being basically a vegetable. I tried to ask questions and pay attention to what she and my hubby were saying, but all I could think about was the little girl I used to babysit who had spina bifida and was confined to a wheel chair. My little boy was never going to walk or run or jump or chase his older brother around or do the physical things that Bug could do. I broke down and cried.

The next three days were a blur of emotions and doctors appointments. The perinatologist we saw the next day did an ultrasound and had us meet with a geneticist. I know I have the right to terminate my pregnancy if I want to, but I there are only two situations where I would ever even consider doing that, and this is not one of them. I really felt like the geneticist was pushing me to get an abortion. It really made me angry. The only reason I am sitting in this office is because I need to start making plans for my baby’s future. What special care and needs is he going to need? What treatment options do we have? What is going to be the best for him and for our family? This is not a situation that warrants even the mention of termination.

Moving on… The ultrasound didn’t show any signs of brain damage, which was a major concern. The baby was also moving both of his legs and articulating all of the joints. It was such a huge relief to hear that. They did mention a study that was going on for the treatment of this birth defect, but they told us it would involve moving to Philadelphia, Nashville or San Francisco. We had just purchased our home last Christmas, so that wasn’t going to be an option for us. They scheduled us to have a fetal MRI and meet with a doctor who specializes in spina bifida diagnosis and treatment. Everything she told us was very encouraging and she also gave us more information on the MOMS study. We decided we would look into the study; a decision based on faith, and was scheduled to go out to the Fetal Treatment Center right after Halloween. (By the way, amniocentesis SUCKS!!!) Hubby and I really were looking at it as a free mini vacation since we weren’t planning to participate. The risks just seemed too high. Before we left, we talked to our bishop and let him know what all was going on. He wished us the best, told us we would be in his prayers and gave us a small piece of counsel. He said that the spirit would speak to us at the same time whether or not this study was something the Lord wanted us to participate in.

So, we left Bug with Mimma (I am grateful that she was able to come down and help us, but it came at a very big cost. I’m still struggling to deal with it) and headed to Frisco. I had never been there before, and OH MY GOSH!!! AMAZING FOOD!!! I think hubby and I gained about 7 pounds each during the two days we were there. We talked to lots of doctors and specialists, but it was when we were talking to the Neurosurgeon, Dr. Gupta, that we felt just at peace. A true peace like we hadn’t felt since the ultrasound. We knew we had our answer. Fortunately we randomized to the postnatal surgery. The prenatal surgery would have had a much higher risk of premature delivery, around 32-36 weeks. And it would have meant bed rest for the remainder of the pregnancy and all future deliveries would have to be by c-section. Bug would have had to stay at my parent’s house for the remainder of the pregnancy, hubby would have been by himself for five months and I would have been stuck with Mimma. (Yeah, in hind sight I am SOO glad this isn’t where we randomized to. I think the Lord knew that it would have been a toxic combination)

So, home we went and had the holidays together with Bug and Mimma. Bug was much more into the opening of presents this year than he was the last two years. If anything he was banned from the living room where the tree was. The poor tree did get knocked over a few times. Mimma is really too slow to be able to keep up with a super active two year old. We pulled Bug out of the babysitters shortly after coming home from Frisco and Mimma stayed with him while I was at work. I had a calendar on my wall with the days marked in a countdown till my maternity leave would start. The girls at work threw me a fabulous baby shower on my last day. And the cake was beautiful. Tasted great too, and I was able to keep it down. (For the first time in months, they get a cake on the 15th of every month for the birthdays and I hadn’t been able to eat it since August since it made me sick every time). My car was completely stuffed with all of the wipes, baby wash, lotion, towels, clothes, laundry soap, nursing pads and blankets I received. (We didn’t have to buy wipes for two months after Buddy was born, and that was with two kids in diapers.)

Hubby and I headed back out to San Francisco in the middle of January for delivery. If you have never flown Virgin America, I highly recommend it. Awesome service and super comfortable seats. (Not to mention you each get your own TV, just remember your headphones.) The day after landing, we headed to the hospital for the worst amnio in the world. After two needle sticks, some fishing, and moving to a seven inch needle, it was determined that Buddy’s lungs weren’t ready to meet the world. So we got to sit around for a week and wait for the 31st to meet our baby. I did a lot of sleeping while Hubby was filling out the insane amount of paperwork required to apply for a government job. We did hit up one of the local malls, trying to find a tie for him and a dress for me so we could go to church. I didn’t pack any of those things since I was planning to have just had a baby and spend most of my time at the hospital. For some reason, there are no maternity stores in most malls of San Francisco. Kind of a sad testament to the low birth rate and high maternal age there. The only young people we saw with babies or being pregnant were either Asian or Hispanic. I finally found a dress that would cover my watermelon belly and also work for after I lost all the weight (yeah, that still hasn’t happened) at a store that specializes in plus sizes and drag. I saw my first man trying on a pair of glitter high heels. Interesting. And that’s all I have to say on the matter.

On January 31, 2011, Buddy Blue was born. As soon as he was out, they rushed him the the ICN. They brought him back into the or almost as they were finished closing me up. He looked just like Bug. Like a carbon copy. I was too drugged to really know what all was going on, but Hubby told me that there was a lot of meconium and the membrane sac on his back had ruptured. About 7 hours after delivery, I was able to go see him. My poor little boy was absolutely beautiful. All 7 lbs 3oz of him. With dark hair and best of all….NO CALIC!!! My chunky little monkey man. (He was really hairy; maybe what they say about heartburn is true, because I did have a lot of it.)

The next morning, he was scheduled to go into surgery to repair the opening on his back at 11am. By 9am I was feeling really stressed because hubby wasn’t there yet to give our baby a blessing beforehand. He told me later, that for some reason, he felt like he needed to hurry up at get there before 9:30. It was a good thing he did too, because they moved his surgery up to 10am. Less than 24 hours after being born, Buddy Blue was going to undergo major surgery. The emotional stress and angst that accompanies watching your tiny baby being wheeled away from you and into surgery is not something would wish on anyone. It is truly heart wrenching. Hubby did give a beautiful blessing to him for strength and that the doctor’s hands would be guided as they worked on our little boy. I was supposed to be about an hour and a half to two hour surgery. After four hours they finally sent a nurse to my room to let us know that the neurosurgeons were done and now the plastics team was closing the repair. Six hour from start to finish. About an hour after they take Buddy back to the ICN, the neurosurgeon comes to talk to me and hubby about the surgery and why it took so long. Apparently the spinal cord and fused to the membrane sac and that all had to be dissected away from the tissue and put into a column. Since there was no hollow for the column to go into, there was going to be a very large bump on his lower back. He also forewarning us that he was very swollen from all of the fluids they gave him because it was such a long surgery. I’m glad he did.

When they finally took us to see him, it broke my heart. He didn’t even look like the same baby. He was covered in tubes and wires, and his back, oh his poor little back. The repair site was about as big as one of those giant Easter eggs cut in half length wise. The original defect was about nine centimeters long by seven centimeters across at the widest point. So they had to close up a gaping hole with the last of his spinal column sticking up. It was shocking. The doctor told us the swelling would go down in time and has he grew; it would appear smaller in proportion to his body. (Currently, at just over three months, it is the size of a Cadbury egg.)
Buddy Blue stayed asleep for about five days after the surgery. Once he woke up, all of his feeds had to be done through a bottle because I couldn’t hold him in any way that would put any pressure on his back. So I was constantly pumping to make sure he would have plenty of breast milk. Hubby and I got lots of practice cathing him, because we weren’t sure what his bladder function was going to be and we wanted to protect his kidneys.

After two weeks in the ICN, we were discharged and ready to go home. We did an urodymanics study and found his kidneys and bladder to be looking great. The flight home was uneventful, and we walked in our front door around 1am. Buddy’s crying woke up Bug, and he didn’t recognize his daddy. He had been three weeks without shaving and was a good four weeks past due on his haircut. I giggled over that one.

There were lots of doctors’ appointments in the weeks after we came home. Biweekly ultrasounds of his head to watch for hydrocephalus. (Because of his Chari II malformation, there was a chance that his body wouldn’t be able to correct and control the flow of cerebral spinal fluid and it could build up in his brain.) Poor Bug has been dragged to all of these appointments with me. And then on May ? I had an appointment with the neurosurgeon in town. Bad news. The swelling in Buddy’s ventricles had crossed the danger threshold, not leveled off like we were hoping. He was going to need surgery to place a shunt to drain the excess fluid and protect his brain.

After talking it over and praying about it, Hubby and I decided this was going to be the best course of treatment for our baby. We scheduled the surgery for Monday morning when he would be off and able to stay home with Bug while I was up at the hospital. The night before the surgery, hubby again gave a blessing. I remember he said that the doctors would find the procedure very routine and that he would heal quickly and continue to grow and prepare to face the challenges ahead of him. I also specifically remember him saying that Buddy was the trial for his parents to change the way we think of things and to grow and learn to trust and have faith. After I had told my mom about the need for the shunt surgery, she said something that has stuck with me. Buddy has had a very blessed diagnosis for all that would have been wrong, and it has been easy for me to forget that he is a child with special needs.

It was an operation that only lasted about an hour and required one night in the hospital and then we came home. He's been doing great so far, but we had to go back to the bottle since the shunt is on the side of his head and he can only nurse on the other side. But it is very low profile, I doubt by the time he is two you will even be able to see it under his hair.

I have to admit that I am very grateful for the opportunity to be the mother to my two little boys. They are a constant lesson in humility and gratitude and the mercies of our Heavenly Father. I have been blessed more than I deserve, and for my children’s sakes, I will be eternally grateful.

Very much missed.

Finally, I have internet again. How I have missed it. It's been almost three weeks since I've been able to just look around in the online world. And now I have a nice new computer desk too. Love it, love it, love it.

So, we made it to Texas. So far, so good. Minus the fact that I don't want to go back to work, and I don't know anyone as far as a trusted babysitter, and money is starting to run out quickly. I'm thinking of just going to the Roadhouse and seeing if I can get a job quickly there as a server again. That way I don't have to put Bug in a daycare that I don't know, and there is still a little bit of extra income coming in. Hopefully Hubby's student loans come through soon and then we can start the "discussions" as to weather or not we can afford for me to be a stay at home mom.

Bug is walking all over the place now that we have more space for him to do so. He's getting so big. We had our first bout with pink eye for him. Not something I care to repeat. He looked just awful. But that got cleared up in time for him to get bit by the dog on Monday. I wanted to kill her. She was sleeping on the couch next to hubby while Bug was climbing all over him and playing, when he fell right on top of her. I think it was just a reaction to being woken up by someone falling on top of her, but still, I wanted to kill her. Hubby dealt with her while I took Bug to get cleaned up. Fortunatley, no stitches were needed. He just looks like we beat him. Poor baby.